If you’ve been feeling tired, stretched thin, or hard on yourself lately, you’re not alone.
For many women in their 40s, life feels full. You may be caring for kids, aging parents, a job, a
marriage, or all of the above. Somewhere along the way, you may have learned to put yourself last.
If you’ve been thinking, “I’ll take care of myself when things calm down,” this is your gentle
reminder: loving yourself cannot wait.
As a therapist in St. George, UT, I see this pattern every day. Strong, capable women who
give and give—while feeling empty inside.
Let’s talk about what it really means to love yourself first, why it matters, and how you can
start today
Why Loving Yourself First Matters
Loving yourself first does not mean being selfish.
It means being honest.
It means listening.
It means showing up for yourself the same way you show up for everyone else.
Here are three reasons loving yourself first is so important.
1. You Set the Standard for How You Are Loved
The way you treat yourself teaches others how to treat you.
When you speak kindly to yourself, rest when you are tired, and honor your needs, you send a
clear message:
“I matter.”
This doesn’t require big changes. It starts with small moments:
● Saying no without guilt
● Resting without explaining
● Asking for what you need
When you love yourself well, you raise the bar for your relationships.
2. Waiting for Others to Change Keeps You Stuck
Many women wait for a partner, boss, friend, or family member to finally “get it.”
But waiting for someone else to love you better often leads to disappointment. And that’s not me
being pessimistic.
It’s about recognizing that the other person? They are busy taking care of their own needs too!
At best, it’s normal for them to get distracted and overwhelmed. In a mindstate like that, of
course their ability to “read” you and anticipate what you’re thinking, feeling, wanting or needed
is going to fail.
But loving yourself first – it puts the power back in your hands.
You don’t have to earn care.
You don’t have to prove your worth.
You get to decide how you treat yourself—starting now.
3. No One Knows You Like You Do
Only you know what you truly think, feel, want, and need. This is called self-awareness.
That’s why self-love begins with listening.
When women start therapy near me, they often say:
● “I don’t know what I need anymore.”
● “I feel disconnected from myself.”
● “I’ve been on autopilot for years.”
This is not failure.
This is a sign it’s time to slow down and reconnect.
Four Questions That Change Everything
If you want to love yourself better, start with curiosity—not judgment.
Here are four simple questions I often use in therapy in St. George, UT to help women rebuild
self-trust.
1. What Do I Think?
Take a quiet moment and ask yourself:
“What do I think about my life right now?”
You can journal or simply notice your thoughts.
You might say:
● “I think I should be happier.”
● “I think I’ve lost myself.”
● “I think this season is harder than I expected.”
There is no right or wrong answer.
This step is about honesty.
2. How Do I Feel?
Feelings carry important information.
Ask yourself:
“How do I feel in my body and heart today?”
You might notice:
● Sadness
● Anger
● Grief
● Exhaustion
● Hope
If hard feelings show up, take a breath.
You are not broken.
You are listening.
3. What Do I Need?
This question often feels uncomfortable for women who are used to giving and carrying a ton of
emotional labor.
Your needs might be small:
● A nap
● A quiet morning
● A real meal
Or deeper:
● Support
● Boundaries
●Someone to talk to
● Autonomy / Independence
If it comes up that you need help, know this: Needing help does not mean you’re weak.
It means you’re human.
4. What Do I Want? (Bonus Question)
This is where self-love becomes powerful.
Ask yourself:
“What do I want?”
No rules. No editing.
Some desires may feel scary.
Some may bring a smile.
Wanting more does not make you ungrateful.
It means you’re alive. Wants and desires are the spice of life – enjoy!
Practicing Affirmations From Therapy
Many women I work with don’t realize how harsh their inner voice has become.
If you have a history of trauma, stress, or emotional neglect, you may hear thoughts like:
● “I’m not good enough.”
● “I should be doing more.”
● “I can’t handle this.”
Changing years of self-criticism takes time—but there is one powerful shift you can make in 30
seconds.
“My Feelings Are Not Facts.”
Feelings are important.
They deserve attention.
But feelings are not facts.
The next time you feel like you’re failing, pause and say:
“My feelings are not facts.”
Feeling like a failure may simply mean:
● You tried something new
● You made a hard choice
● You’re tired
This is especially helpful for mom guilt
Feeling guilty does not mean you’re a bad mom.
It often means you care deeply and are doing something hard.
When Loving Yourself Feels Hard
For many women, self-love sounds good in theory—but feels hard in real life.
If you grew up learning to take care of others first, slowing down can bring up guilt.
If you’ve lived through trauma, listening to yourself may feel unsafe.
If you’ve been in survival mode for years, you may not know where to start.
None of this means you’re doing it wrong.
It means your nervous system has been working overtime to protect you.
This is something I see often as a therapist in St. George, UT. Women don’t come to therapy
because they’re weak. They come because they are tired of carrying everything alone.
Self-love is not something you either have or don’t have.
It’s a practice.
It’s built slowly through:
● Noticing your thoughts
● Listening to your feelings
● Naming your needs
● Honoring your limits
Some days this feels easy. Other days it feels heavy.
Both are normal
How Therapy In St. George, UT Can Support Self-Love
Sometimes loving yourself brings up old pain.
Sometimes it shows you patterns you didn’t know were there.
That’s where therapy can help.
In therapy in St. George, UT, we work together to:
● Quiet harsh self-talk
● Heal old wounds
● Build healthy boundaries
● Reconnect you with who you really are
If you’ve found yourself searching for therapy near me, it may be because part of you knows
it’s time for support.
You don’t need to have everything figured out before starting. You just need to be willing to show
up.
You can start with a free, 15-minute phone consultation. It’s as easy as 1-2-3.
1. Click here to schedule your call for later this week.
2. We’ll call you and discuss your goals, needs and match you to a provider on our team.
3. If it feels right, we’ll schedule your first appointment.
A Gentle Reminder About Burnout
If you’ve been feeling:
● Exhausted
● Overwhelmed
● Disconnected
● Hard on yourself
Loving yourself first is not one more thing to do.
It’s permission to pause.
It’s choosing honesty over perfection.
It’s learning to treat yourself with the same care you give everyone else.
And you don’t have to learn that alone. It would be a pleasure and honor to support you.