[et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.23.4″ _module_preset=”default” da_disable_devices=”off|off|off” locked=”off” global_colors_info=”{}” da_is_popup=”off” da_exit_intent=”off” da_has_close=”on” da_alt_close=”off” da_dark_close=”off” da_not_modal=”on” da_is_singular=”off” da_with_loader=”off” da_has_shadow=”on”][et_pb_row admin_label=”row” _builder_version=”4.16″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” locked=”off” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.16″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_heading title=”Women In St. George, UT Are Healing From Gaslighting” _builder_version=”4.23.4″ _module_preset=”default” title_level=”h2″ title_font=”|700|||||||” global_colors_info=”{}”][/et_pb_heading][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.23.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”]
As a licensed mental health therapist, one of the things I hear most often from women who have experienced gaslighting in a relationship is that they feel like they don’t know who they are anymore. Often, when I ask them what they think, feel, want, or need, they aren’t able to tell me. This is because the power and control of the gaslighter in their relationship was pervasive—often for decades.
Waking up to who you are can be a difficult but beautiful process. And it is well worth your time. There is a lot of life ahead of you. Also, you are not the person you were when you entered this relationship. Would you like to get back to who you were all those years ago? Are you ready to evolve into a fully conscious and perfectly imperfect human being? I see clients work toward this every day. It can be a long process, but you are well worth your own time and attention.
Behavior we begin, do you need help identifying gaslighting behavior? Click below and we’ll send you our free worksheet, “Top 25 Gaslighting Behaviors.”
[/et_pb_text][et_pb_button button_url=”https://guidedwellness.myflodesk.com/bspgtqdzoh” url_new_window=”on” button_text=”FREE GASLIGHTING BEHAVIORS WORKSHEET” button_alignment=”center” admin_label=”how to support anxious partner” module_class=”postButton” _builder_version=”4.23.4″ _module_preset=”default” custom_button=”on” button_text_color=”#FFFFFF” button_bg_color=”#35736F” custom_margin=”20px||20px||true|false” custom_margin_tablet=”20px||20px||true|false” custom_margin_phone=”20px||20px||true|false” custom_margin_last_edited=”on|desktop” button_text_size_tablet=”14px” button_text_size_phone=”8px” button_text_size_last_edited=”on|phone” locked=”off” global_colors_info=”{}”][/et_pb_button][et_pb_image src=”https://guidedwellnesscounselingut.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/01/isabela-kronemberger-iSP31DIevjU-unsplash-1-1-scaled.jpg” alt=”kelsey-chance-BB4GbHiU1KY-unsplash – Copy (1)” title_text=”isabela-kronemberger-iSP31DIevjU-unsplash 1″ _builder_version=”4.23.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][/et_pb_image][et_pb_heading title=”Are My Needs Being Met in My Relationship?” _builder_version=”4.23.4″ _module_preset=”default” title_level=”h2″ title_font=”|700|||||||” global_colors_info=”{}”][/et_pb_heading][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.23.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”]
If you’re debating whether to stay or leave the relationship, or if you’re simply trying to assess who you are anymore, you’ll want to begin with this primary question: Are my needs being met?
It may have been a long time since you’ve been allowed to openly express your needs without criticism or fear. To get started, consider that totally normal and perfectly healthy needs can include:
● Being listened to and heard
● Being yourself without reservation
● Receiving physical affection
● Being safe
● Being respected
● A right to privacy
● A right to make mistakes
● The ability to say no or disagree with others
● The right to change and evolve as a human being
● A right to independence and personal autonomy
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You can also reflect on whether or not your relationship aligns with your core values. Again, it may have been a long time—possibly several months or even decades—since you’ve had a chance to independently consider your own values. These may have changed as you’ve grown, matured, and experienced significant gaslighting. Here are some examples of healthy and typical values to consider:
● Honesty
● Integrity
● Kindness
● Dependability
● Safety and security
● Helping others / Generosity
● Autonomy / Independence
● Forgiveness and grace
[/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https://guidedwellnesscounselingut.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/01/sweet-life-BB25c3PZLrY-unsplash-1-1-scaled.jpg” alt=”kelsey-chance-BB4GbHiU1KY-unsplash – Copy (1)” title_text=”sweet-life-BB25c3PZLrY-unsplash 1″ _builder_version=”4.23.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][/et_pb_image][et_pb_heading title=”Watch Out for Flying Monkeys: A Gaslighter’s Messengers” _builder_version=”4.23.4″ _module_preset=”default” title_level=”h2″ title_font=”|700|||||||” global_colors_info=”{}”][/et_pb_heading][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.23.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”]
Even as you consider your own needs and values, you may encounter people who try to convince you to return to the person who was gaslighting you. These individuals are often referred to as “flying monkeys,” a term popularized by Stephanie Moulton Sarkis, PhD. Flying monkeys are people who, either willingly or unknowingly, do the gaslighter’s bidding.
Whether or not they have a direct relationship with your gaslighter, or are simply misinformed and well-intentioned, they have no right to weigh in on the longevity of your relationship. Common flying monkey statements include:
● “I really think you should give him another chance.”
● “I’m sure he really didn’t mean those things. You know you can be difficult sometimes.”
● “He’s really upset right now. I think you should call him.”
● “He said he’s throwing the rest of your stuff on the street.”
● “The two of you were really good together.”
● “I heard he’s interested in someone that might be perfect for him.”
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In addition to flying monkeys, you may also contend with culturally fed statements that undermine your efforts to heal and move forward. These can include:
● “Have you thought of the children? Maybe you can stay together until they’re in college?”
● “Do you really believe you can be financially independent after so many years of not working?”
● “Don’t you know that marriage is forever—what about your vows?”
● “I can’t believe that you would give up after all of this time.”
● “In our family, we don’t quit. You’re not a quitter.”
● “Divorce is not approved by the church, and families are forever. You really should stick this out.”
Regardless of whether the flying monkey was directed, influenced or sent by your gaslighter or they are friends and family with their own misunderstandings of your relationship, you may have to consider cutting off all contact. At the very least, let them know that you won’t be discussing your relationship or the person who hurt you with them. Bonus: let them know you are saving those conversations for your therapist. Are you curious if therapy can help you?
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Reconnecting with your needs and values is not just possible—it’s necessary for your healing journey. While others may try to tell you who you are or what you should do, only you can define your path. Therapy provides a safe, nonjudgmental space to begin this process.
At Guided Wellness Counseling in St. George, UT, our team is here to guide you every step of the way. We offer a complimentary 15-minute phone consultation where you can clarify your goals for therapy, ask questions, and be matched with a therapist who meets your unique needs and schedule.
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And if we’re not the right fit, we’ll connect you with a trusted community partner who can help. Take the next step toward reclaiming your identity and living a life aligned with your values. Reach out to us today and start your journey toward healing and empowerment.
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