“I just feel like I suck!” Sound familiar? Struggles with self esteem are real and they are painful. Experiences of low self esteem are as varied as the people who live it. Often times I see women
in my office who:
● Never feel good enough
● Are in constant comparison to others
● Live in the fear of upsetting others or not being liked
● Feel overwhelmed by trying to ‘keep up appearances’
● Teeter-totter in relationships, worried that others will leave them
● Have goals they never reach followed by feelings of shame
● Wonder why they feel disconnected in the company of others
The list could go on and on. Low self esteem is complicated by the idea that enough effort could fix the issue. Have you heard any of these fixes? Try affirmations. Learn relationship skills. Do one thing every day that scares you. Dress up. Wear red lipstick. Cut your hair short. Fake it till you make it. Get a mommy makeover. Ugh. I feel exhausted just writing that! The tips and tricks never end!
So let’s try something different. Let’s press pause on self esteem for a moment. I want you to consider the idea of inherent value. Never heard of it? Most people haven’t.
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Inherent value is how you arrived in the world. Inherent value means that you don’t have to do anything, own anything or be anyone [i.e. status] to have worth or value. You are valuable just because you are YOU. Consider this – you are a one time, limited edition, never to be repeated human being. That makes you valuable. I tell my clients, “Even if all you ever do is lay on the floor and drool no one is going to lay and drool exactly like you. That makes you valuable.”
Sound crazy? Not at all when you consider the opposite. The opposite would be that you will have to continue to do things, achieve things and impress people for the rest of your life, trying to cross that glittering finish line called Self Esteem. The horror and pain is that none of us will ever do it all, have it all or be it all. That’s perfection and perfection isn’t real. There is likely a part of your brain or heart that knows this already and that’s why you’re reading this blog.
So the next time you feel your esteem plummeting I encourage you to take a deep breath. Close your eyes. Repeat to yourself, “I am inherently valuable.” And consider taking a few supportive
● Mute or delete social media friends or feeds that result in you comparing yourself.
● Make a date with friends that are supportive and encouraging.
● Familiarize yourself with the critical, shaming voice in your head and share those
thoughts with a loved one who can help you make sense of it.
● Spend time in nature, a naturally nonjudgmental environment.
I wish you well my friend. I know how painful this journey with self esteem can be and the road to inherent worth can feel unfamiliar and foriegn. If you need some help I am a call away. Reach out for a FREE 15 min consultation to see if we are a good fit and let’s get the counseling journey started. You’ve got this!