What Are Unhealthy Boundaries?

Women In St. George, UT are Struggling With Boundaries

Unhealthy, dysfunctional boundaries are wreaking havoc on your relationships and mood. You feel stressed, like you can’t do enough or that you are doing it all wrong. You want to ask for support but you know from experience your partner will take it personally so you just don’t say anything- but that doesn’t feel good either.. You’ll just focus on being more organized and having a positive mindset, right? Right? You look at your week and realize that so much of the time you’ve been trying to go with the flow. Saying yes to the extra activities and playdates. Yes to the work projects. Silent agreement when your in laws are being insensitive. Yes to everyone else while your energy tanks. This feels so familiar and you’re just not sure what to do about it.

St. George Therapist Answers: What Are Boundaries?

You deserve change. A change for the better. And that starts with understanding what boundaries are and how they serve us. At our St. George, UT therapy practice there are a few key boundary concepts that we teach our weekly clients. Let’s dive into them one by one. Are you ready?

Why Do I Need Boundaries?

First, boundaries keep you human. We shouldn’t need to remind anyone but, you are not a machine. You are not a resource to be used up. You are not a thing to be manipulated. People cannot do with you what they want and you should not expect yourself to perform under any conditions.

Every Person Needs Unique Boundaries

Second, boundaries keep you an individual. Once you know that you are a human you can begin to recognize that you travel with your own unique set of thoughts, feelings, wants and needs. These make you, You! You bring things to the table that no one else can. But only if you are in good working order and have the freedom to be your true, kind, honest self.

Boundaries Are Good For Relationships

Finally, boundaries create safety, security and compassion. Without boundaries offensive, chaotic behavior runs rampant. Imagine a soccer game where there were no boundaries. You could leave the field… dribble down the street… curse, name call, push… It would be madness. Instead, even within the realm of competition, there are things you do and don’t do to get along. There are expectations about how you’ll communicate, manage your anger, signal that you need help or need a new plan.

In a nutshell, boundaries affirm that you have a right to show up fully human, imperfectly unique and valuable within the context of safe, secure, compassionate relationships.

Therapy For Women Who Struggle With People Pleasing

It can be hard, especially for women, to identify when their boundaries are being crossed in a relationship. There are many reasons for this. Primarily, women often assume (and have been culturally assigned) to perform most of the emotional labor in a relationship. We also have not been taught how to feel and express or anger or to be assertive when we communicate.

When boundaries are lacking, this can look like:

  • Saying yes out of a desire to please
  • Prematurely shutting down disagreements
  • Going out of your way to avoid conflict
  • Letting others take advantage of your time or energy
  • Believe being overly agreeable and easygoing
  • And much more…

If you are engaging in these behaviors, take a deep breath. Many of our 1-on-1 therapy clients come for weekly counseling sessions to address exactly these patterns. And they are feeling better! They are finding confidence, self-esteem and self-worth. They are gaining clarity in their relationships and learning to identify what they really want and need from themselves and others.

Are They Crossing My Boundaries?

Among my favorite therapy sessions to offer our St. George, UT clients is a discussion and review of what we call boundary violations. When you are in doubt about if you “should” be upset, offended or angry, having knowledge of boundary violations can clear it up for you.

For the purpose of this blog, I want to talk about internal boundary violations. These refer to your violations that impact your thoughts, feelings, identity and self-worth. (Note: there are also physical boundary violations and sexual boundary violations).

Here is a quick list of internal boundary violations. Have you experienced any of these? Are you experiencing them currently?

  • Yelling and screaming
  • Name calling
  • Ridiculing a person
  • Lying
  • Breaking a commitment for no reason
  • Patronizing a person
  • Telling a person how he/she should be or what he/she should do
  • Negative Control
  • Being sarcastic
  • Shaming / Blaming / Humiliating a person
  • Treating another person as worthless

A Holistic Approach To Better Boundaries For Women

Are you ready for better boundaries? Have you tried in the past only to not have it “stick”? Therapy can be an important component to developing more functional boundaries. A therapist can help you see clearly where and how boundary violations are occurring (or have occurred in your past) and if/how you might be self-sabotaging with people pleasing behaviors.

At Guided Wellness Counseling we also help women address any past trauma that may be contributing to the fear they feel in relationships or the discomfort they have with self-care. Additionally, coping skills to manage the anxiety of upsetting or disappointing people are essential in consistently communicating your thoughts, feelings, wants and needs to others.

Therapy For Women In St. George UT | 84790 | 84780

Is it time for you to start therapy? You’re invited to take advantage of a complimentary 15-minute phone consultation with our office staff. During this call we’ll explore your reason for coming to therapy, identify your goals and match you with a therapist on our team who has the skills to match your needs. With a zero-waitlist policy we assure that you’ll be seen promptly and have regular appointments. We look forward to supporting you on this journey.

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Guided Wellness Counseling

Healing Depression, Anxiety, and Trauma in St. George and all of Southern Utah.

EMDR Therapy and EMDR Consultation Services.

720 South River Road Suite E 103, St. George, UT 84790