It seems like an appropriate time to talk about freedom with the 4th of July right around the corner. But I’m not talking about our country’s freedom. I’m talking about the freedoms you have a right to in every relationship you participate in. Whether you’re with friends, your partner / wife / husband or your parents you have certain inalienable rights.

For example, no matter your role in the relationship, you always have 4 fundamental rights. Think of these as your personal constitution:

● I have a right to my thoughts.
● I have a right to my feelings.
● I have a right to my wants.
● I have a right to my needs.

Now, the artistic part of the relationship is where you decide how or if you express these things and whether or not anything is done with them. Maybe your wants get met… or not. Maybe you share your opinion, maybe you don’t. But don’t you dare forget for even a moment that ALL the things you think, feel, want and need are what make you YOU. And you are something to be celebrated.

Sometimes I hear from clients, “I can’t say that, my mom will be so offended.” Or, “It’s silly for me to feel this way.” And my favorite, “I don’t know what I want.” Using the constitution, let me break these down so you can see how it works.

1. Your mom might get offended and you can’t control that. But you can say what you think or need – it’s a choice that you’ll make for yourself to take care of yourself. It’s okay if you choose to speak up. It’s okay if you choose not to. Regardless, you’ll likely want to do some self care.
2. Your feelings are never silly. They are there for a reason. They are a different kind of language to highlight what’s happening in your brain, heart and body. Take them seriously.
3. You don’t know what you want right now but it’s important take the time to figure it out. You cannot leave this responsibility up to anyone else because they will never know you as well as you are capable of knowing yourself. You must put in the work to know yourself, in still and quiet moments, to be able to identify what you want from day to day. Be patient. It will come.

So the next time you are feeling stuck in a relationship, practice a little freedom-giving constitutional-based enlightenment. Ask yourself: what do I think, feel, want, and need? Take some deep breaths and wait for the answers to come. If it helps, journal it out or talk with a friend who might patiently ask clarifying questions. Until then, I wish you the greatest of freedoms with all of your intimate relationships.